13 Thoughtful Ways to Include Your Family In Your Elopement Day
Table of Contents:
- How to Decide if You Want Family At Your Elopement
- How to Break the News to Your Family That You’re Eloping Without Them
- 8 Ways to Include Family Without Them Present
- 5 Ways to Include Family With Them Present
- The #1 Way to Include Loved Ones In Your Elopement From Afar
Family dynamics are TOUGH. We get it. Relationships can be complicated, messy, and unsteady in your regular life, but when you add a wedding in there? Whew, things can get stressful, and fast. So we know that it can be incredibly tough to decide whether or not you want to elope with family—and if so, how much involvement do you want them to have?
In this guide, we’re going to break down the key elements of eloping with family and friends (or not), how to let loved ones know you’re eloping, ways to include your family with or without them present, and finally, the #1 way to include them from afar if you don’t end up inviting them.
There’s no right or wrong in this situation: it is ALL about what you want as a couple, and what will make your unique elopement day as incredible as possible.
How to Decide if You Want Family At Your Elopement
First thing’s first: you need to figure out whether you want your family at your elopement or not. This can be one of the hardest parts of planning your elopement, because it obviously requires you to deal with what could be a sensitive topic among the people you love! We’re guessing you’re probably a pretty selfless, kind, and generous couple if you’re here—and that can make it super challenging to prioritize your wishes + desires above all else.
So let’s set the scene real quick: we want you to imagine that literally NOBODY and NOTHING about your elopement day matters except for the two of you. Money isn’t involved. Decor isn’t involved. Guests aren’t involved. Even photos aren’t involved! Just you, your love, and the epic landscapes you’re probably surrounded by.
If you were in this scenario, what would you be missing? What would you be wishing you included in your day? Would you be missing the people you love and regretting not inviting them, or would you feel relieved that you only have to think about yourselves? That you don’t have to take anybody else’s opinions, desires, or schedules into account?
If you imagine yourselves in this picture missing the hell out of your fam + friends, that might be a sign that it would be really meaningful to have them there by your side.
If you kind of see yourselves feeling relieved or at peace without the presence of others, then that might be a sign that you should consider a private elopement—sans guests.
And remember: this does NOT have to be a black and white decision. You’ll learn throughout this guide that there are endless ways to customize your celebration to match your vision—this could look like not inviting guests at all, or inviting guests to certain parts of your day. Maybe even throwing a party later on so that everyone feels included! You can absolutely have the best of both worlds, if you want to.
If you do end up inviting guests (or you’re thinking about it). . . here are a few questions to ask as you go through each person on your potential guest list:
- Will this person add to our day, rather than take away from it?
- Will the presence of this person stress us out in any way?
- What would having this person by our side mean to us?
- How has this person supported + celebrated our relationship up until now?
By thinking through the answers to these questions, you should have a muchhh easier time making clear, confident, and intentional decisions about who you invite to be a part of your big day.
How to Break the News to Your Family That You’re Eloping Without Them
Sooo you’ve decided you want to elope without your fam: now how the hell do you tell them?! It can be a very emotional conversation to have, especially with family members or friends who had a vision in their head of what your wedding would look like—and how they would be involved. There may be societal or cultural/religious expectations involved, or traditions that your loved ones hold dear, and that can lend itself to disappointment, anger, or confusion if you decide to do your own thing.
We’ll tell ya right off the bat here that it is okay to disappoint your family, as long as you’re making a decision that’s in line with what YOU want! Yes, it may suck at first, but hopefully with enough time and conversation, your loved ones will be understanding of your decision and support the route you’ve chosen to take.
Normally when couples announce they’re getting married, it involves a celebration, a party, or at least an exciting card in the mail. But if you’re worried your family won’t be supportive, it can be a difficult convo to have.
Here are three ways you can gently break the news to your family that you’re eloping without them:
- Tell them in a private setting: Instead of spilling the news at your next extended family reunion, consider telling them in private so they have a chance to really listen, and talk it through with you—without other opinions or voices around!
- Write them a letter: Sometimes, it’s just easier to share (and receive) news like this in written form! This will allow you the chance to share your heart, and hopefully will give them the opportunity to process it before having a deeper discussion with you in-person.
- Don’t tell them until after: The third option that some couples will take is simply. . . not breaking the news to them until after you elope. This might be the best option if you’re eloping at the last minute and want to keep things spontaneous, or if you’re really worried that family drama could cause a riff in your day/impact your enjoyment of it.
7 Ways to Include Family In Your Elopement Without Them Present
If your family wants to be a part of the day but you don’t want them to physically be there, here are 7 ways you can still include them.
1. Incorporate family heirlooms into your details
Got any significant family heirlooms such as jewelry, pocket watches, pens, journals, etc.? Bring them to your elopement and have your photographer include them in your detail photos! Orrr, take it a step further and incorporate them into your outfit and/or accessories—like one of our previous brides did by adding personalized charms to her wedding bouquet (see below). If you have jewelry that’s been passed down through the family, wearing it on your elopement day is an easy way to feel the love from your family through generations, even if they’re not there with you.
2. Read hand-written letters
Instead of having your family and friends write toasts to share at a wedding reception, invite them to write you letters in advance. Seal ‘em up and bring them to your elopement day to read when the time feels right—while you get ready together, during your ceremony, while you eat dinner, etc. Bonus points if you bring a cute little basket or container to keep them in until you’re ready to open them up!
3. Open gifts from them
In the same vein, find a moment in your timeline to open gifts from your loved ones. Your first look is a great time for this, or while you’re sipping on champagne after your ceremony and are ready to feel all the love as newlyweds!
4. Invite them to submit photos + videos for a slideshow
How fun would it be to watch a little slideshow after your ceremony, filled with photos and videos picked out by your loved ones?! These might be photos from your individual childhoods, or photos of your relationship through the years. Watch it on your phone, or bring a projector to set up at your Airbnb while you eat dinner—and maybe grab a box of tissues while you’re at it.
5. Include photos of them in your details
One easy way to have loved ones with you in spirit is to bring photos of them along with you, maybe in the form of a photo frame you set up during your ceremony, a tiny photo in a locket attached to a necklace or bouquet, or a photobook you look through at the end of the evening. This is a beautiful way to celebrate the memory of loved ones who have passed, as well.
6. Find a time for a phone call/Facetime
If you know that you’ll be missing your fam on the big day, schedule a time in your timeline for a phone or Facetime call so you can say hi, show them your outfits, and give them all the juicy updates. You could even set them up on a tripod to watch your ceremony via Facetime, or livestream it if you have enough cell service. Take advantage of that 21st century technology!
7. Plan a post-elopement party
Spoiler alert: this might be our all-time favorite way to include friends and fam in the celebration of your marriage. Planning a post-elopement party is SO much fun, and allows you truly have the best of both worlds: a private elopement day for just you two, and then a separate reception/party/gathering later on! We love this option so much that we even put together a whole guide to planning an epic post-elopement party 🙌
6 Ways to Include Family In Your Elopement With Them Present
Now if you do want your family to be at your elopement, but don’t want to spend ALL day with them, you could. . .
1. Host a welcome dinner
Invite your friends and fam to attend a welcome dinner the night before your private elopement: this way, they get to be with you beforehand, and experience all the emotions + anticipation right alongside you. This is a great option if you’d love to have a destination celebration: you could host a welcome dinner once everybody arrives, elope the next day while your guests see the sights/go on excursions, and then meet up with everyone again the next day to continue your shared adventure. There are no rules here!
2. Invite them to attend your ceremony
Just because your guests attend your ceremony doesn’t mean they have to be part of your entire day! Spend the morning and evening of your elopement together in private, but have your family join you for just your ceremony mid-day—and then maybe, the next day you get together for extended festivities. The perfect option for couples who would really value having loved ones by their side as they tie the knot, but still want to spend the majority of the day alone with one another.
3. Meet up with them after private vows
Alternatively, if you’d rather keep your vows to yourselves, you could have a private vow exchange and THEN meet up with your family afterward. Maybe you go for a hike, have a celebratory picnic, or head back to your Airbnb for a group campfire, champagne, and s’mores!
4. Assign them a meaningful role
Giving your loved ones a personalized role that makes them feel invested in your elopement can be really special for them (and you)—such as readings during your ceremony, walking you down the aisle, etc. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but inviting them to participate even a small way like this can really make them feel included, and like they’re an important part of your day.
5. Plan an intimate post-ceremony dinner
If you want the majority of your day to be private, you might consider only spending the evening with your guests at a lovely little evening dinner! This could mean you go out to celebrate at a restaurant nearby, or maybe you host a meal back at your Airbnb. You could book a private chef to cook for you, hire a food truck, or even grab food to-go from a drive-thru on your way to your Airbnb!
6. Open up the floor for toasts
Finally, if you’re planning any kind of shared meal throughout the day (brunch, lunch, dinner, etc.), you can invite your loved ones to share toasts. This is such a fun and meaningful tradition at big weddings, so why not incorporate it into your elopement, too?
P.S. Don’t forget that pets are family, too! Read our guide to How to Include Pets In Your Wedding or Elopement to learn how to bring your furry friends along 🐾
The #1 Way to Include Loved Ones In Your Elopement From Afar
You now know a ton of our best reccs for including friends and family in your elopement. . . but wanna hear our #1 piece of advice if you plan to elope without family there?
Hire the right photographer & videographer who will document it all beautifully.
Because here’s the thing: if your family isn’t present at your elopement, the only way they’ll be able to experience it + share in the celebration with you is through two things: verbal stories you pass along, and photos/videos from the day. It is SO essential that you trust your photographer and videographer to tell the story of your elopement in a way that you can easily, effortlessly share with loved ones afterward!
With that being said, we’d love to be the team to make that happen for you 😉 We’re T and Corey, a destination elopement photo + video duo specializing in authentic, candid photos and upbeat, romantic videos curated to fit you two and the vibe of your unique day! Whether you include your family from afar, in the actual day, or not at all, we’d be freaking stoked to capture it all for you to look back on forever.
Inquire about your date here and let’s get this adventure rock and rollin’ 😎
More free planning guides + resources to help you plan your most epic day ever:
